Worksheet 2.1 · Module 2: The Negotiation

Permission Pattern Identifier

Naming the specific architecture of how you stop yourself.

The four Permission Patterns are not personality types. They are strategies your nervous system developed in response to real experiences. Your job in this worksheet is to find yours — not the aspirational version, the accurate one. The pattern that shows up on ordinary Tuesdays, not just in dramatic moments.

Before you begin

Read through all four patterns. Most women will recognize pieces of themselves in more than one. Trust the one that feels most like your ordinary life — the one that makes you think "that's the client call I dread" or "that's the bio I keep meaning to update." That specificity is the signal.

Section 1 of 4
Identify Your Primary Pattern
Check the pattern that most accurately describes how you stop yourself. Then complete the recognition questions below each one you check.
The Keeper
Tell word: "once"
Holds everyone together except herself. Her turn is always next and never now. Indispensable by design.
This is my primary pattern
This shows up sometimes
The Curator
Tell word: "almost"
Waits until the work is excellent before releasing it. The bar keeps rising. Completion is always one revision away.
This is my primary pattern
This shows up sometimes
The Negotiator
Tell word: "when"
Already knows what she wants to do. Still gathering information. Certainty as a permanent precondition for action.
This is my primary pattern
This shows up sometimes
The Quiet Authority
Tell word: "once invited"
Waits for external permission to step forward. Has been holding up the room from outside. The invitation only she can send.
This is my primary pattern
This shows up sometimes
Section 2 of 4
Your Pattern in the Ordinary
The pattern is not just visible in big moments. It lives in the ordinary Tuesday. These questions find it there.
What is the specific thing you have been meaning to do for your own work that keeps getting pushed to next week? Be precise — not a category, the actual thing.
The client call. The offer page. The Instagram post. The conversation. The specific thing.
What is the tell word that appears most often in your own internal dialogue when you're stopping yourself?
The word:
The specific sentence it appears in:
Describe one specific situation in the last month where your pattern was clearly operating. What were you doing instead of the work that actually needed to happen?
The bio you reorganized instead of the paragraph you needed to write. The research you did instead of the decision you needed to make.
Section 3 of 4
Where the Pattern Came From
The pattern was not random. It was a reasonable response to a real situation. Understanding where it came from is not about blame — it is about accuracy.
When did this pattern first make sense? What was the context in which it was the right strategy?
What was it protecting you from when it was formed?
Is that same danger present in your actual life right now — or is the pattern enforcing a rule that belongs to a chapter that has already closed?
Section 4 of 4
What It Has Cost
Not to generate shame. To make the cost legible — because a cost you can name is one you can weigh honestly.
What is the thing that has been waiting the longest because of this pattern? The thing you keep describing privately that has not yet become real?
What is the version of yourself that has been waiting on the other side of this pattern?
Worksheet 2.1 — Completion Marker
This worksheet is complete when you can finish this sentence without the polished version:

"My pattern is ___. Its tell is the word ___. What it has been costing me specifically is ___."

Worksheet 2.2 · Module 2: The Negotiation

The Payout Ledger

What staying stuck has been giving you — named honestly, without judgment.

This is the worksheet most people most want to skip. That is the signal to do it carefully. You cannot redesign an arrangement you have not acknowledged being in. The goal is not to shame yourself for the payout. The goal is to see the arrangement clearly enough to make a conscious choice about whether to continue it.

How to work with this worksheet

Write the uncomfortable answer, not the one that sounds best. If an answer feels clean and self-aware immediately, you may be performing honesty rather than practicing it. The right answer usually has a small sting of recognition — the kind that makes you want to move past it quickly. Stay there instead.

Section 1 of 3
Your Specific Payout
Four common payouts are named below. Check the ones that apply and answer the questions that follow. Be specific — the general version is not useful here.
The Payout Applies? What it specifically gives you
The armor of busyness
The bond of struggle
The low bar of the overwhelmed
The helper identity
Section 2 of 3
The Question Underneath the Payout
The payout is protecting you from something specific. This section names what that something is.
What specifically is the arrangement protecting you from? Not the general category — the exact version of danger or exposure or loss that staying stuck prevents.
Not "failure" — the specific version. Not "judgment" — the specific kind. Be as precise as you can.
If the thing you're being protected from were no longer a threat — if it simply didn't exist — what would you do tomorrow that you are not currently doing?
"The thing I am most afraid to find out if I actually try is ___"
Write the first thing that comes. Don't edit it.
Section 3 of 3
The Resignation
You don't need a breakthrough. You need a resignation — from the position you've been performing. This section names what that resignation looks like specifically for you.
What is the specific identity or role you would be resigning from if you stopped maintaining this arrangement?
The woman who has no time. The one everyone calls. The one who is always almost ready.
What is the question the arrangement has been helping you avoid answering? The one you are afraid to let the real world weigh in on?
Complete honestly: "Is what I am getting from this arrangement worth what it is costing me? Specifically:"
Worksheet 2.2 — Completion Marker
This worksheet is complete when you can name the arrangement honestly — not as a concept, but as the specific deal you have been maintaining:

"I have been staying stuck because it gives me ___. What it has been protecting me from is ___. What it has been costing me is ___."

Worksheet 2.3 · Module 2: The Negotiation

The Safety Switch Audit

Finding the hidden rule and choosing how to work with it.

The Safety Switch is a physiological response — not a character flaw. This worksheet helps you identify when it activates, what it is protecting, and which approach (under, around, or through) fits your specific situation. You are not trying to eliminate the switch. You are learning to work with it.

What this worksheet is not

This is not an exercise in telling yourself to be braver. Bravery is not the issue. Understanding the specific trigger and choosing a specific strategy is the issue. The more precise your answers, the more useful this becomes as a practical tool.

Section 1 of 4
Your Specific Trigger
The Safety Switch does not activate randomly. It activates at specific moments that pattern-match to historical experiences of danger. This section identifies your particular trigger.
Describe the physical experience of your Safety Switch. What specifically happens in your body when you approach the work that actually matters?
The fog. The headache. The sudden need to do something else. The chest tightness. The inability to hold a thought. Be specific about the physical sensation.
At what specific moment does it activate? When you open the document? When you think about posting? When you're about to send the email? When you're on camera?
What is the adjacent activity you reach for when the switch activates — the thing that feels like working but keeps the actual work safely theoretical?
Reorganizing files. Research you've done before. Redesigning something that was already working. Answering emails that could have waited.
Section 2 of 4
The Hidden Rule
The switch is enforcing a belief your nervous system formed at some point in your history. Naming the rule specifically is what gives you the ability to examine whether it still applies.
Complete these sentences honestly
Write the first thing that arrives. Not the considered answer — the true one. The answer that makes you want to move past it quickly is probably the rule.
"If people really see me, then..."
"If I succeed at this, then..."
"If I stop being the one who holds everything together, then..."
Based on your answers above, write the hidden rule in its clearest form: "If ___, then ___."
When was this rule formed? What was the context in which this belief was accurate — or at least reasonable?
Is this rule accurate in your current life? Is the danger it was formed to prevent present in the situation you're facing now?
Section 3 of 4
Choosing Your Approach
Under, around, or through — the right approach depends on your specific trigger and your current capacity. This section helps you choose.
UNDER THE SWITCH
Find a path to the work that doesn't activate the alarm. Smaller context, private proof, indirect approach.
What would the under approach look like for your specific work right now?
AROUND THE SWITCH
Change the conditions until the action no longer pattern-matches to the danger. Different setting, smaller scale, different frame.
What conditions would need to change for the action to feel possible?
THROUGH THE SWITCH
Take the action while the fear is present. Provides direct evidence that the rule is outdated. Most demanding. Use when under and around haven't worked.
What is one specific action you could take this week that goes directly through the switch — the thing you keep not doing because the alarm activates?
Section 4 of 4
Giving Your Nervous System New Data
The switch changes through accumulated evidence that the rule is outdated — not through willpower. This section builds that evidence deliberately.
What is the smallest possible version of the action that still counts as the actual thing — not the adjacent activity, the actual thing?
Not the launch — one invitation. Not the chapter — one paragraph. Not the course — one lesson. The smallest thing that still moves the real work.
After you take that action — whatever happens — what will you have proven to your nervous system?
Worksheet 2.3 — Completion Marker
This worksheet is complete when you can name your hidden rule clearly and identify one concrete action to take this week:

"My hidden rule is: if ___, then ___. I am going to work with it this week by ___."